My Thoughts on Why I Cover My Head

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I have been thinking about why I cover my head. In the beginning, a few years ago, it was all about doing 'the right thing'. Lately though, I have been wondering what this 'right thing' is.

1- Allah (SWT) commands us to do it.

2- It saves me from undue male attention.

3- It helps men preserve their 'Emaan'.

4- It is an important part of my identity as a Muslim woman.

5- My husband wishes me to do it.

It's actually none of these, apart from the first one. Even that, if I am totally honest is not the true impetus, as the limited-understanding human being that I am, I need to ground everything in reason.

It's funny how whenever I get into conversation about the Hijaab with a friend who doesn't observe it and we get talking about it, I not only feel slightly uncomfortable but also usually round it off very tactfully with

'Well, you know, it's a very personal thing, you can only do it when you believe that you should and you feel ready.'

Yet, I don't really know what I mean when I call it a 'personal thing'. If it's Allah's command, there's no room for personal choice. Yet, I seem to find that the only way to define it to others. The other day, it suddenly occurred to me why.

To me the act of covering my head is so intensely personal because it cuts out my vanity, or atleast some of it. When I stand in front of the mirror with my hair framing my face, spreading around my shoulders and think 'I look good', I feel this thing, almost akin to power, surge through me - I am attractive, others find me attractive- I define myself as such due to my looks. But when I don a hijaab and all of a sudden don't look as good as I thought I did without it, I am forced to redefine myself and the meaning of 'attractive'. Hijaab forces me to be modest, to dig deeper into myself and find if there is anything else beautiful to me me beside my hair-framed face. It humbles me- the whole thing, everyday, everytime I try and look!

That's why I call it 'personal'.

To me, it's like a check- everytime I think too materialistically; for materialism to me is not just over-obsessiveness with money but also outward beauty and these days both can often mean the same thing- yes everytime I start pining too much after things- the hot trends of the season, eyelash extensions or may be, in my later years, some skin tightening magic that will put us in debt, my hijaab checks me. But wait, brow reshaping and Botox are my rights as a modern woman, right? They will make me happy, right?

Well, at least, my hijaab makes me question it.

As for avoiding undue male attention, I don't believe you can do that just by wrapping a piece of cloth around your head. Neither do I hold myself responsible for preserving a man's Emaan- if it's so frail as to be led astray by the sight of a woman's hair, the man seriously needs to go work on it. I have often heard,

'What can a man do if a woman parades herself and uses all that's available to her to attract him? It's in a man's nature. Allah made him that way'.

It makes my blood boil, this. A man's responsible for controlling his own thoughts and desires by keeping his own gaze averted, remember? In other words, he has his own hijaab to do.

And that's why, I say again, it's a personal thing.

I am not debating what the Qur'aan says or judging those who don't cover their heads. I am merely trying to explain to myself why I do it. And also what it does for me, my hijaab.