Our 99.99% Bacteria Free Bottoms

When you want to go to war with nasty household chemicals, the revolt starts at home. My husband claims that a clean bathroom smells 'clean'. By which he means, a clean bathroom smells like Mr. Muscle has been at work and someone has had the pleasure of pressing down on the nozzle and spraying a powerful foamy layer of antibacterial all over the sink and the toilet. Ahhh. A strong scent of lemon has been left behind. 99.99% of the bacteria has been annihilated. Your bottom is free of germs. Your hands will not pass on a deadly virus to your baby, wife, lover.

'That's cos your mum grew you up on Flash and Jif and Harpic", I retort, stung by his lack of appreciation at my efforts of making our home chemical free. When I tell him I only buy non-toxic cleaners derived from natural plant sources, he thinks it's a passing fancy, a silly fad. When am I going to get over it and make sure our house is REALLY clean?

I haven't told him that none of our toilets have seen bleach in months. He'd probably fire me.

When my cleaner comes, she makes a face at the unimpressive brands I buy. She thinks I am stingy. When I tell her the mopping liquid has no harmful chemicals and is concentrated so we don't waste more water than we must, she thinks I am positively mad.

I get her obsession with Dettol and Clorox. We are all obsessed this way.

What, you don't use Ariel for your laundry? Seriously?!

This organic-whatever-green washing up liquid doesn't lather nicely. Where's the Fairy?

Why don't you give the high chair a good clean with some Jif Power Cream?

We are all possessed. TV commercials bought our souls. And paid us off with a 99.99% germ free life. And oh yes, carcinogens too. You know, those cancer giving things we all have floating about in the house. Oh sorry, there goes the crazy woman again, all hyped up over non existent threats.

Just think about this: cleaning product manufacturers are not obliged by law to list the ingredients in their products as doing so may reveal trade secrets. It's all a huge game. Money makes money makes more money. They are not our well-wishers. Yet we trust so blindly. We don't stop to think that almost 98% of the synthetic chemicals found in these products have never been tested for toxicity, carcinogenic or birth defects.

We don't consider that our older generations had nothing but the pantry to turn to for cleaning. We just write them off as less germ-conscious than we are today. Well, you know what, they were damn lucky. Unlike us, they didn't risk their health and spend a fortune swinging between the fear of infection and the clutches of greedy megacorporations.They had the good sense to invest in a big jar of soda bicarb and a bottle of good vinegar.

That's where I am going too. But I probably wont let my husband in on this just yet. I need to prepare a case. The above was just a rant, a cry to ask all of us to throw away those idiotic blue uniforms and the complacent smiles and be more informed of what we are exposing ourselves too.

So long!